Anthony Stark's Fake Cleopatra

Story I Read: "The Mad Pharoah" (Tales of Suspense#44 Aug 1963)

In 1963, the world was Cleopatra and Ancient Egyptian mad. This was not because of some crazy dance move that reminded folks of Egyptians walking. No, it is was because the King and Queen of Hollywood, Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor, were preparing to star as history’s most famous lovers in what would turn out to be one of the most expensive flops in history. That ill fated movie was Cleopatra and this film would spur an obsession with all things Coptic. This obsession even trickled its way into the Marvel universe. 

When I first saw the title page of the Iron Man story in Tales of Suspense #44 I nearly tossed the article away and moved on to, surely, what would be a more fulfilling story. Alas my conscience got the better of me. I felt like I was violating some impossible code I had sworn to myself so I resigned to my sofa to plunge in. As the first few panels careened by I was enjoying the charm of the story. Tony is whisked away to the sandy dunes of Egypt to join in on an archaeological dig a where he finds that things are really tough to see through a stone wall. Never fear, Iron Man happens to be on vacation in the Sahara so he stops by to use his laser cutters to get through the four thousand year old wall. Yes, this story once cost 12 cents. 

With every passing issue the facade of Tony and Iron Man is getting weaker and weaker. Even the editors are beginning to notice as there is one of the worst examples of strained dialogue occurs when Tony attempts to explain why Iron Man happens to be on the dark continent. There is certainly some meta humour here. I hope. It is reminiscent of the strained excuses Torch cooked up to his friends which were later proven to be futile. We are nearing the breaking point I can feel it. 

Sadly these charming little quirks are the best part of the story. On page 5, Tony is waving goodbye to his doctor friend when suddenly Hatap appears and drags him back in time. This happens out of nowhere and I had to reread it many times because the switch is so abrupt that I thought a panel was missing. Anyway,Tony gets sucked back in time to Ptolemaic Egypt to help Hatap defeat the siren of the Nile. This is where things get really confusing. 

History teaches us that Cleopatra and Marcus Antonius staged an outright revolution against the ruling Caesar Augustus which caused them to be besieged by the Roman forces. This revolution culminated in the sea battle of Actium and the deaths of the couple. In Iron Man’s history however the Romans seem to be besieging Cleopatra in her palace.  This never occurred. She was involved in a civil war with her brother but this was aided by the Romans under the command of Julius Caesar and she was only a young girl. She’s a full grown woman here. Its almost as if the writers (Stan Lee again) had not the most basic knowledge of one of the most well known stories in history. This invented history frustrated me to no end because when Iron Man ultimately weighs the battle in her favor it happens in a situation that never occurred. Yes, I accept that this is fantasy, I mean time travel and all, but it frustrates me because it is so far from history. There was a great possibility here of a fantastic time travel yarn that could have far reaching effects on the future Marvel universe but it turns out to be a weak, pointless, unintelligible story.

Stan should have gone to the theatres to see how he got an extremely well known story way off. Cleopatra would have sold one more badly needed ticket. What a wasted issue. 1 out of 5. 

Sitting through this melodramatic wankfest is far more worth doing then reading this issue. 

Review of Tales of Suspense # 43: The Netherworld of Stark and Silver Age Sexism

What we are reading: Iron Man Vs Kala, Queen of the Netherworld- Tales of Suspense#43

The Spandex Iron Man

When reading through the Silver Age establishment of the Marvel universe you get to see both the very illuminating stories that set up beloved characters and the utterly atrocious, politically backward hogwash, which permeated the comics and the zeitgeist of the period. This Iron Man story is the latter. 

Before jumping into the negatives of this story let’s examine the one positive: the Atlanteans make their first appearance in this one. They are, in later arcs, subterranean threats that are in many ways apocalyptic. Here, though, their motives are flat and really not examined thoroughly. They want to take over Earth because they are angry that a geological event sank their empire. Let’s get revenge on humanity which runs volcanos or something. I don’t know. Even the one positive makes little sense. That being said, this story is a mess. Not only because it espouses backwards Sixties morals but because arc-wise, it has none.

The story begins at Stark Industries in the middle of a wind tunnel test. The tunnel stops working and turns the station into a veritable hurricane. Stark calls down and explains luckily by happenstance Iron Man is visiting the factory so he can save the windblown scientists. It is flimsy excuses like this that no doubt caused Anthony and Stan to strip the facade later.  It’s an excessively obvious and convenient piece of writing; so unintelligent a moment that it doesn’t even pass as charming camp.

After this minor incident of blowhardism at the wind tunnel, Tony climbs into his spandex iron suit and gets sucked into the center of the Earth. Sidebar: The Iron suit in this one is actually depicted as a spandex body suit. It’s stupidity like this that shows you Jack “I don’t care for plausibility” Kirby is back at the artistic helm. When Tony arrives in the in the centre of the Earth he and his spandex iron suit are embroiled in a hastily thought out thousand year old plan to take over the surface. We soon find out that Supreme General Blaxu resents taking orders from the female ruler Kala. Tony concurs  and he flies her off to the surface where she sees her complexion age in seconds. Iron Man tells her that if she wants her beauty she should stay underground. She does for “what is a women without her beauty.” 

This story is disgusting. A female leader that cares so much for her looks that she abandons her long held goal and just to nail another has to be one grossest example of female stereotype. Just to nail another peg into the chauvinist coffin Tony tells Blaxu to marry Kala so that she has proper guidance.

 ‘Women can’t lead, young Marvelites. They need a man.’ 

No wonder Sue Storm can’t get a shred of decent dialogue.

I know chauvinism has always been a part of Tony Stark, as he is a millionaire playboy with the face of Errol Flynn after all, but in later stories he is usually offset with a strong female to take him to task. It also may be unfair of me to judge a story written in a vastly different time by the ethics of today, but the sad thing is, that even under all the sexism this story is poorly constructed and frankly worthless. Nothing feels connected and no character really sticks out a vital or interesting. It feels like hastily written filler. 

At least Jack Kirby has started to draw backgrounds. That’s a plus.  

0 out of 5.